Collecting dust

I have two neat Strathmore toned gray sketchbooks. They're collecting dust because...
Just because...?
Because I'm a wimp and I'm terrified of a brand new sketchbook that needs to be approached differently from what I'm used to do with my common white paper.
One day I felt especially daring and I decided to violate mr. Gray.

So a few weeks ago I found a nice reference photo in my folder (a very stereotypically handsome guy wearing make up - I was actually more interested in the lighting and the sharp cast shadows). My previous attempts at using charcoal were miserable, but here I realized what I was doing wrong.
I was holding and using the charcoal as if it were a pencil! Nice and tidy and precise.
Then I remembered something Shaddy Safadi said during one of his digital painting tutorial videos:

"Be bold!". Be bold with your strokes.
I dislike quoting people, and while the painting process was definitely interesting, I didn't agree with a bunch of things Shaddy said. But his explanation of what being bold means resonated with me.The moment I tried to hold the charcoal stick differently, the moment I said to myself "well who cares if this gets really rough and messy!" and meant it, a lot has changed.

I had fun!
I actually relaxed and enjoyed this new medium, how it can be rough and pasty, but also so soft. It allows me to shade in a way that feels so much more comfortable and natural and fast than pencil shading. I don't care if the outcome is any good. It is a big improvement since last time and I was so happy while I did it. 

So, what have we learned?
- BE. BOLD.
- I had fun dammit, this is a huge step forward!
- This took very little time. Not even one hour. No excuses: I can actually make one portrait like this every weekend almost without sacrificing time. One hour is nothing to an organized person. Which I'm trying to become.
- I AM capable of shutting my brain off. I can be bold and have fun without paranoias. It usually happens at random times, but it's a matter of time before I learn to control and re-create this state of mind.
- I can't flip the page (or use the skecthbook for that matter) until I buy a fixative because charcoal is going to smudge and get every fucking where on the back of the next page :D
- Hence the bad photo. I can't put this thing into a scanner.